Sacramento, CA – California lawmakers, previously confident in their progressive taxation policies, are reportedly considering a radical new approach to state funding after the 'Billionaire Equity Contribution Act' failed to generate enough revenue to buy even a single, modest, 300-foot superyacht. New economic projections suggest that a broader tax base, possibly involving people who aren't currently featured on Forbes' richest list, might be necessary.
Dr. Felicia Vance, lead economist at the newly-minted Institute for Aspirational Proximity Studies, confirmed the shocking findings. 'It turns out,' Vance explained, 'that when you base your entire fiscal strategy on the disposable income of a few dozen people, those people have an unfortunate tendency to just… leave. Or buy an extra island. Or simply pay their taxes in NFTs of distressed apes, which, surprisingly, are not legal tender for public school teacher salaries, even in the metaverse. We found their 'philanthropic' gestures rarely included paying their fair share of, say, road repairs.'
The state’s new strategy, tentatively dubbed 'Project Ground Floor,' involves re-evaluating California’s 'sacred' Proposition 13, a move previously considered politically suicidal. 'We thought we could make a statement,' lamented State Senator Miranda Rodriguez, polishing her 'Tax the Rich' lapel pin. 'We genuinely believed that virtue-signaling alone would fill our coffers. It seemed so much simpler than, you know, asking *everyone* to contribute a little. Plus, it polls great with people who don't actually pay taxes.'
Under 'Project Ground Floor,' state economists are reportedly studying models similar to Texas, which, despite its smaller GDP and a penchant for openly mocking California's progressive policies, manages to generate significantly more property tax revenue. 'Apparently, taxing property broadly, even when it means impacting *checks notes* middle-class families who might occasionally vote Democrat, is a more stable revenue stream than hoping Elon doesn't move his entire existence to Mars,' stated a visibly uncomfortable Governor Gavin Newsom during a recent press conference, quickly pivoting to announce a new task force on 'existential inequality' to distract from the fiscal reality of, you know, paying for things.
The move marks a grim pivot for a state that had banked its entire progressive brand on the premise that public services could be funded entirely by the spare change found between a billionaire's yacht cushions, which, it turns out, are mostly full of offshore shell company paperwork.